Theory of Mind

Do you learn something new every day?

Sometimes being married to this guy makes me feel like I learn something new every day.

…..he’s obnoxiously bright. Like, read something once and obtain instant expert level knowledge on the subject obnoxiously bright.

(Wait, then, why are we readers stuck hearing from THIS crazy moron all the time??)

(Hey, don’t be so mean! My slightly-more-normal-intelligenced brain is AWESOME!)

When we were teenagers and I kinda’ was 100% totally head-over-heels in love with had a wee teeny tiny little squidge of a crush on him one of the main things I admired was the seemingly endless bits of knowledge  ratting around in his brain that a simpleton like myself was just…wow. All this garbage about constellations one night while laying on the trampoline just hanging out – he wasn’t being a cocky, cliche-romantic turd, just sharing some facts about life he found interesting!

Well, tonight….. hahaha the caverns of knowledge got me again!!

Some of my super-extended-we-never-see family is coming into “town” for the weekend, and I’m pretty pleased, and trying to make arrangements to make sure we bump into each other at some point while they’re here. Because, well, they’re my family! So I’m on the phone with my Mom, chatting and planning and whatever. And it looks like, at the time, WE are going to be freed up from all the fun and frivolity before dinnertime Saturday because the real grown-ups are going out for a fancy real-grown-up dinner or something.

I have this nasty habit of assuming that you know what I’m talking about. You being whomever I’m currently talking to.

Especially if I was JUST talking about it.

Even if the thing I’m talking about to you that I was just talking about…was in a conversation to someone else that you couldn’t overhear because, you know, phones…that whole one-sided conversation thing….

So I hang up.

And my mind starts going.

Gee, if we’re free by Saturday night I can book a couple of work appointments.  Or we can see if his family is free for dinner. Or we can do this, or we can do that, or or or or or or or….   

What comes out?

“We should see if your family is free for dinner.”

………silence……….for a brief moment….

“Usually by the time a person reaches about 2-3 years of age they acquire Theory of Mind wherein they become able to recognize that what is in their mind may be different than what others may actually be experiencing. ….it does take longer to develop in some than others….”


Ohmigoodness, I couldn’t stop laughing.

My brain is infantile. hahahaha I don’t have theory of mind!!

Apparently, all the when-what-who-where-why-how CONTEXT of my let’s-do-dinner was…between my mom and I on the phone and theeennnnn carried on in my brain. Silently. Before mid-conversation comes flying out.

If only this were a one-off occurrence. X-D My poor hubs, though, has figured out how to translate, or as in this case, just flat-out tell me he has noooooooooooo idea where I am in what conversation with whom.  Aaaaaand we laugh, repeatedly, at my inability to recognize that I’ve, once again, started speaking out loud mid-sentence, or “repeating” a question I’ve never actually posed outside of my head, or any number of other idiosyncrasies of my, uh, “ability” at verbal communication.

Thank goodness we laugh about it!  And hey! I learned about theory of mind today! I’d call that a win, no? O:-) Do you have any weird communication non-skillz?


Think before you blurt!

Oh. My. Gosh.

Honestly? I think today’s might go down as my #1 most embarrassing moment ever.

The crowning moment, at least the most humiliating thing that I remember before tonight, was in grade 7, when I was being a moron on the field at recess and my stupid behaviour ended with me running full-body-full-tilt into an immovable soccer post…

That was over 20 years ago (wait, when did I get so old?!) and I can still feel the sting of the pole as it made contact ALL THE WAY up my left side, and left me with a fabulously un-sexy injured toe….


Tonight, though. Wow. I could FEEL the blood rushing to and from my face. And then back to every time my mind wandered back to my humiliation…

You know that thing you have where your brain has a thought and then it comes out of your mouth but before it comes out you like, you get a moment? To evaluate whether the thing you thought is a thing that needs to graduate from thought to speech?

Yeah. I don’t have that thing. Like, at all. No. Thing. My thing is broken. O_o

So I’m at choir tonight (yes, I’m a geeky choir kid – get over it. I’M REALLY GOOD AT IT) and we’re working on Christmas stuff, because it’s almost Hallowe’en, so you KNOW we’ve been singing this stuff for about two months already.  And one of the songs we’re working on is a lovely rendition of “While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks” arranged by Sally DeFord. Which is a little different from the run-of-the-mill hymnal editions we’re used to…anyway, it’s a great piece. Check it out if you’re so inclined.

The POINT is the lyrics.

Second verse:

To you in David’s town this day
Is born of David’s line
A Savior who is Christ the Lord,
And this shall be the sign
The heavenly Babe you there shall find,
To human view displayed
All meanly wrapped in swathing bands
And in a manger laid.

Please note the LAST word of the verse, yes? Okay.

So, we’re singing along, sight-reading, and going about our merry way, when suddenly, the ENTIRE ALTO SECTION, of which I am a part, just….loses it. We got SO LOST. We’re singing along, harmonizing, making pretty sounds with our vocal chords and fellow choir-geeks, and POW! We’re suddenly lost, mumbling….something…..definitely not singing anymore…maybe grunting a little?

Imagine, if you will….

To you in David’s town this day
Is born of David’s line
A Savior who is Christ the Lord,
And this shall be the sign
blaahh what? duuuh dum daaaaa shoot I missed that note dooo _______silence_________ dooooo hummm humm nope, still off…. oh, hang on, I know this note…. 

Because….EVERYONE got the last note! hahaha We missed the WHOLE second half of the verse, but hot dang we GOT the last note!!

You know when the music stops, how everything is quiet for a second?

Not if I’m in the room.

No, when I’m in the room and the music stops….the mouth just keeps ON going!!

And it spouts out little gems like this one:



“ohmigosh! I mean, I got the last note! On the word laid! I sang the right note…. the last note…. I didn’t…I… ”

PEALS of laughter. Half of the choir was as red as I was (not really something these folks are accustomed to hearing SHOUTED in the chapel!) And then when everyone finally DID get enough control over themselves to keep rehearsing I couldn’t sing because I was still nervous-giggling with the intense humiliation of having been so fantastically obtuse as to let such a thing come racing out of my giant gaping maw…. Oh, man!

It was bad.

Just….just don’t let yourself blurt out…things…in a room full of Mormons…in the chapel… just don’t do it… I would think that generally, not BLURTING wold be a good rule of thumb to follow, actually.  If your thing is as broken as mine is, fix it, because everyone needs a brain-to-mouth thing that’s fully operational!!

Because…that was…horrific.

True story. (from )

At least it gave the hubs a good chuckle when I came home – had to fill him in before he saw it popping up on Facebook as threatened by all in attendance seize the opportunity to make him smile – There’s always that, right?

10 Years

Today is our tenth anniversary.

Ten years.

I can’t get over the fact that I’m even old enough to have been married for ten years, though some would argue that I’m definitely not and was a moron young bride… (TOTALLY was!)

I met my husband when we were both youth in the Church, through the other girls in my stake I’d met at girls’ camp, when we were all FINALLY old enough to start going to dances. (Yes, Mormons dance. I don’t know where that rumour that we don’t dance comes from? Maybe because we’re so awesome at it? <em>shudder</em>)


I don’t remember the first time ever we met, but I do remember, generally, being struck by this boy. He was a little older, a little quirky, a little brilliantly intelligent and interesting, and a LOT beautiful; my GOSH his smile!

He used to wear the dumbest outfit to the dances, and I just loved it. A bright, BRIGHT orange Hawaiian shirt, buttoned up and accessorized with a black and yellow smiley-face tie.  The man was a stunner.


I remember one night we were all – a whack load of us from our circle – at my house, and he left the group to go hang out in the yard on the trampoline. Which, in hindsight, was really weird; there was no one else out there. What did he go outside for? What a weirdo! 😉

Our friends, knowing I was more or less smitten, jumped all over me the second the door closed behind him:

Now’s your chance! Get out there! Ohmigosh, GO!! So, eventually, I followed.

All I remember about that evening is laying on the trampoline with a good friend, listening to him prattle off all sorts of fascinating information about the various constellations and star patterns. And not in a pretentious, annoying, trying-to-impress-a-girl way, but just in a dorky, I-know-and-am-interested-in-this-stuff way.

I fell in love, I swear.

When I was 16 a girlfriend of mine who is the little sister of a guy friend of HIS, knowing of my admiration, URGED him to tell me…I don’t know what. But basically he needed to deal with the whole…thing…I had for him.  I thought I was doing fairly well on my own, admiring from a distance, with no pressure or attempts to progress our acquaintance to “the next level” or anything.

So when I got this email from him, it was TOTALLY out of the blue:

Well, I’ve put off giving you a response till now (selfish, I’m sorry) because I’ve been trying to figure some things out, about me, and others, and about just where things stand between me and others. If that’s a little unclear, I’m being purposefully vague. Unfortunately, I find my feelings toward you to be plutonic. You are a good friend, but I don’t see our relationship in a romantic light.  Again, sorry.  I don’t want what we have to decay, but I just don’t see us together like that. 

Your friend, sheepishly,


……TOTALLY OUT OF THE FREAKING BLUE!! I had NO IDEA he had a clue I had a crush on him. And my gosh, at 16? I called my mom into the office to decipher the meaning of “plutonic” for my Neanderthal vocabulary skills!

(…why I still have this email is a whole different can or worms best left for another day, but let me just say he’s apparently NOT the only one with issues!)

Somehow, after that and the fact that a week after I got the plutonic email he started dating some scrawny little doe-eyed number from an adjacent stake, our friendship survived.

We grew up, stayed in minimal contact during his time on his mission in Korea and mine in Utah at BYU, and one day, when he was home and I was on a break from school, our paths crossed again.


We were thrilled to see each other. We made plans to hang out, NOT to go on a date, for the next evening, to catch up on the couple years we’d both missed; catching up with old friends is always exciting.

By the end of our 13-hour non-date the next day, I was head over heels again. Good grief. I don’t believe in soul mates, but he and I are apparently about as perfect a fit as can be if my heart has anything to say about it! One day with him and I’m in agony because I know I can never be with him because he’s not interested. He wrote it in an email 4 years ago! (Which I didn’t know I still had at that point…I’m not crazy enough that I like, read it before bed every night or anything. ….NOW I do… 😉 kidding).


Apparently, while I’m sitting thinking, <em>that dang email</em> he’s sitting across from me thinking pretty much the same thing. I don’t know what changed, which of us had matured (both, I’m sure) or why I was suddenly for him, but it worked.

A month later we started a long-distance relationship. Then I got deported (BOOYah!) when I had mono (best semester at school EVER) and we picked up where we’d left off. I came home in March. He proposed in June. We were married in October.


We’ve had lots of ups and downs since then, not the least of which is our newfound difference of religious opinions, but I wouldn’t trade the ride and the journey together for anything, or anyone. Sure I wish he were better at doing the dishes or turning off the computer and paying attention to me (as I sit here and blog this – I know, I know), and I find his social ineptness hilarious and irritations at different times, depending on my own mood. And goodness do I know there are things about me he wishes he could change. But me and him? We’re a pair.

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He’s my best friend. My confidante. My support, my love. We don’t currently agree about things of the Gospel, or even which Deity may be the real deal, or whether the Holy Ghost is an actual entity or a psychological reaction to comforting environments and teachings, but he is now and forevermore MY mister.


Happy anniversary, babe. Here’s to another 4.6 years to beat the odds, and another lifetime after that. I love your guts.