I have had some people not really understand or agree with my “letting” my mister off the hook on Sunday and take the day off. And while I understand my reasons and what went on, I think basically, it boils down to Aesop’s oft-quoted wisdom above.
Unity is power. A couple years ago now, I think, Elder David A Bednar spoke at a CES training session about the immense importance of unity and the destructive power of division and/or contention amongst us. He shared some brilliantly insightful thoughts and illustrated these opposing ideas with aplomb. I loved increasing my understanding of this principle of life.
So in my marriage, where we are SERIOUSLY divided in ideology, how can we possibly be united?
Honestly, that’s what makes it so hard; it’s hard to know how to discuss things that previously were as easy as pie to talk about. If I want to pray and go to the temple to seek out the Spirit to help with a large family decision, how on Earth can I take those desires to my husband who thinks I’m completely insane? How do I take money that we SO DESPERATELY NEED and give it in relatively large quantities to the Church as I pay tithing?
But it works.
We are united.
We unite in our mutual respect for one another and our opposed belief systems. He respects me, my beliefs, my upbringing, my desires for our family and children. I respect his struggle to come to terms with his new views, his new understanding of life, the universe, and everything (42!), and I am SO grateful for his courage and honesty.
So yeah, I need to back off sometimes, and just let him be. He lets me, and I let him. It’s how we go.
I probably take it for granted that we’re going to raise our girls in the Church, but I am TRYING to do it with their being very aware and informed about their Daddy’s position, that no topic is taboo, that they are comfortable coming to EITHER of us with their questions as they strive to find out the truth for themselves. I cannot FORCE my beliefs on them, nor can he his. And as we have currently agreed to take the girls to church, together, it is more likely they’ll have that ‘background’ to lean on, which as I AM a believer, I am very grateful for, but they absolutely MUST know and understand their dad, his position, his feelings, and WHY.
Just pretending everything’s a-okay and ignoring HIM, well, in my humble opinion, that’s just a recipe for disaster!!
And so yeah, I gave him a day off. Because he needs to know I’m not just paying lip service and that I do respect him. Because we are united even in our disagreement. That we are one in purpose of love and raising as happy and healthy a family as we can. And that we work together to make each other happy.
End of story.
Don’t fight. Don’t argue. Just don’t. In or outside of the Church CONTENTION is one of the WORST things EVER. If you hold to the scriptures you know that contention is the food of the devil, that he uses it to turn us against each other and ruin friendships, families, countries, lives. If you don’t believe in scripture you can see the horrific things brought about in your life, on the news, in the world, as contention runs rampant.
Just, just don’t do it. Nothing is worth it. YES the odd argument and/or fight is totally okay and HEALTHY even – please don’t misunderstand me. We OBVIOUSLY disagree! But don’t let it run your life. Don’t let it stand in the way of the things that will make you happy.
And THAT, my friends, is that for today. Cheers!