A new journey.

Almost a year ago now, my life changed.

With the odd up and down and of course road bump along the way, the first 30 years of my life were pretty boring.

I was born and raised a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. My membership is something I’ve grown to love and appreciate for many reasons, not the least of which is the knowledge and understanding I have of the incredible Gospel of Christ; I am so incredibly blessed to know of his service and sacrifice, and so many dogmatic issues that go along with it.

But I’ve led a pretty sheltered life. Somewhere along the line I put myself in a bubble, and I just stayed there.  A cliche phrase we use at church is “in the world but not of the world.” Honestly, I think that pretty much perfectly sums up my experience as a teen. I don’t know; I was weird.

I am so thankful for my weirdness, though. It kept me from experiencing some serious pain and problems growing through those vulnerable years of my youth. I have never done any of a large number of ‘normal’ teenage stupid activities. I somehow escaped ever having the desire to really participate, or being in situations where I felt pressured to abandon my faith.

I never really felt connected to the church group, though, either.  I guess I was a bit of a crazy loner.

We joke, too, at church, about girls marrying young and popping out babies. I was never, EVER going to do that. The first “date” my now husband and I had we sat across a table from each other sipping hot chocolate expressing our disgust at the moronic option some of our Church-member peers were selecting, marrying before graduating some form of post-secondary educational institution.

We were married less than a year later.

I laugh; I sort of accidentally have the perfect little Mormon life! Or, at least, I did.

I married a returned-missionary (he served two years for the Church preaching the Gospel in Korea) in the Temple of the Lord, sealed together in an eternal family unit by the restored power of the Lord’s priesthood. Childbearing was accidental and easy a few years later. We’re both educated with university degrees and lucrative career options ahead of us.

Then one night, last year, he dropped the bomb. It came out of nowhere. At least, to me.

“I need to talk to you,” he said. HE needed to TALK. When was the last time in a decade this geeky introvert I somehow fell head-over heels in love with as a teen attending church dances, needed to talk?

My mind was a whirr….  Ohmigosh, he’s having an affair. I KNEW we weren’t having enough sex.  Or maybe that’s not it. Maybe he’s addicted to porn…. I couldn’t think of anything of gravity he may need to tell me that didn’t involve his admitting having broken a vow of chastity between us.

I was not ready for what he said. NEVER in my life had I ever contemplated the need to be ready for what came next. The affair, the internet leading to disgusting, damaging images of sexual misconduct… I don’t even remember now what all flashed through my head, but ANY of those options I felt at least somewhat prepared for.

“I don’t believe the Church is true anymore.”

That… that I didn’t see coming.

In some ways, WHAT a relief. My husband was still, IS still, MY husband, and only my husband. No dalliance or horrid behaviour was creeping into my perfect little bubble world by him.

But in others… I can’t imagine, really, he could have said much more damaging to me at the time. My perfect world, my bubble, instantaneously shattered. My perfect Peter Priesthood to my not-quite-Molly-Mormon, changed his mind.

How do you even DO that?

That night, I heard the voice of the Spirit whisper in my ear the calming words I needed to hear; my reaction otherwise was fury, but with what I know was the influence of the Lord I was able to sit quietly and let this dear, wonderful man, explain to me the struggle he’d been having in secret for MONTHS which led him to his ultimate decision to separate his religious affiliation from the LDS Church. At least, mentally.

He poured his heart out to me. Promised he was still a good man. Expressed his incapacitating fear of losing me and our children; I was pregnant with our second daughter at the time. Feeling repulsed and horrified I listened intently, quietly. I eventually let him hug me, and asked a few questions. We cried together.

And thus began the beginning of a completely different life from what I ever anticipated living. Life is a journey, and currently, mine has led me here.

It’s a year later. In less than a week we celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary. We are closer as a couple now than we have been in years. I am an active member of the Church, and while he comes out with us regularly, he is not. We have a long way to go, and a long journey ahead of us, but I know we are an eternal unit, and we are worth fighting for.

Ask me anything.

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20 thoughts on “A new journey.

  1. Thank you so much for sharing. It really helps.

  2. So, question. In retrospect, was it still the right decision?

  3. A weak man is somebody who is too cowardly to face the truth when presented with it. There are more than a few men in the church who don’t have the courage to ask difficult questions and stand up for what they believe is right. It’s easy just to stay quiet and let others do the thinking. Kudos to your husband. I empathize with the social stigma you’re facing and can’t imagine how hard that must be. But from what I’ve read, your husband has the DNA of greatness.

    • I love this! DNA of greatness; sweet! I’ll pass along the compliment 🙂 He is pretty spectacular, even if his head is up his butt a little bit at the moment hahaha

  4. My husband also left the LDS Church and we’re still together. I love your sentiments here “We have a long way to go, and a long journey ahead of us, but I know we are an eternal unit, and we are worth fighting for.” Good Luck to you and your family.

  5. What are your thoughts on his specific reasons for leaving?

    • Oooo…good question! My knee-jerk reaction is that his reasons are stupid, unfounded, idiot issues by poop-disturbing loser-folks out to ruin my life…. 😉 But, honestly, in talking to him over the year, I THINK I totally get where he’s coming from. I still think he’s UBER wrong, but he thinks I am, too, so we have that in common!

      Let me marinate on this a bit and I’ll even write you a post about it and get his input! 🙂

  6. It takes a brave man or woman to question “the truths” and traditions of his parents. I’m sure he’s patiently waiting for you to open the right history books.

    • It’s has been such a hectic year for us I have not, unfortunately, had the time to investigate all of the sources he turned to. I have a reading list, and am working to educate myself, promise. He knows both sides, I should too! I look forward to stretching myself with additional education on the subjects he takes issue with 🙂

  7. I’m so sorry.. I’m so glad you didn’t decide to fall away also! Keep close to The Lord everything happens for a reason!! 🙂

    • I know, right? The great thing about a strong belief in agency is it includes the opportunity for others’ choices to screw up our perfect little bubble worlds! Hahaha I intend to get through this the way I have everything else, though, with the Lord’s help! ‘Cause if the formula ain’t broke, I ain’t gonna fix it! 🙂

  8. I’ve been on the other side of this, having left the church after being raised in it since I was little. I can totally empathize with your husband, it’s an extremely difficult topic to bring into conversation. It’s great that you are educating yourself on his reasons for leaving, it will open up some great dialog as long as you both are open to each other’s thoughts. Best of luck to you and your family!

  9. Good for you for putting your family first in your life. I have “mentally left” as well while my wife stays. I think your husband shows great integrity to stand up for what he believes, as do you. A religion that emphasizes family should not be the wedge that divides them. I was so worried to “come out” to my wife that I was a closet unbeliever, it was horrifying and she was great.

  10. As a new member with a husband not a member of the church. I see the dynamic but then I add that even though at home we read scripture together, share the gospel with friend and family, participate in FHE, even pray together with and for for the children.
    I do not go to church often, perhaps 6 times in the last year (since baptism)

    Other than improved attendance. .. as my two young children grow how have you guys worked together to let your kids know both sides … religious truth and scientific truth….

    My hubby loves the church atmosphere, the love we have for each other,the missionaries are close to his heart…. but science. .. the time lines etc.
    An example is the time line of the earth in religious text vs science
    dinosaurs… things like that

    I mean he tells me that he knows the book of Mormon is true. That christ was in the Americas. That Joseph Smith is a prophet and that he feels strongly that Thomas Monson is the right man to lead our church now (however he doesn’t call him prophet)

    Do you counsel the children separately about those truths and concepts … is that too confusing.

    I have been wanting to ask a long time and have other lds groups I am in but you seem to have a simular situation…. in the mom believes and dad does not… but dad is supportive of your faith choices….

    My LO are only 4 & 6 months
    Still not really old enough to understand but I feel like if I don’t prepare now the lessons will be lost in disagreement about faith vs science

    I know there is no one answer to this …..

    Thanks in advance 🙂

    • Thanks for the question. It’s a tough one, eh?

      I don’t specifically set out to have one-on-one Gospel talk time with my kids, nor do I think he does (correct me if I’m wrong, hubs!) As far as I know we both speak about it openly and honestly (though with tact) to the girls. I’ll have to specifically ask my other half what he thinks, though, because… I don’t know what he thinks! I don’t know if he’s constantly editing himself? Will get back to you on this!!

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