It doesn’t always work


It’s been a rough few days over here.

When we stop respecting each other and in turn start ignoring the express wishes of our partners…it makes for some rocky roads. Proclamations of love are categorically unbelievable; all readily available evidence would support the opposite being truth.

Lots of tears. Lots of heartache. Misunderstandings and  sometimes deliberate ignorance.

Placing blame does nothing. We can play he said/she said for days and no one will ever win. Pride will ensure that in all participating parties.

But I believe we will get through it. We haven’t been irreparably vexed yet, and we’re more mature and level-headed than we have been in the past.  Refraining from emotional (over)reactions is a practiced skill, one you KNOW i can’t long say I’ve mastered, but it’s definitely one I know I am personally working on.

One of our blog “tags” is “how it works,” but this week, it doesn’t.

It will again, though.

Theory of Mind

Do you learn something new every day?

Sometimes being married to this guy makes me feel like I learn something new every day.

…..he’s obnoxiously bright. Like, read something once and obtain instant expert level knowledge on the subject obnoxiously bright.

(Wait, then, why are we readers stuck hearing from THIS crazy moron all the time??)

(Hey, don’t be so mean! My slightly-more-normal-intelligenced brain is AWESOME!)

When we were teenagers and I kinda’ was 100% totally head-over-heels in love with had a wee teeny tiny little squidge of a crush on him one of the main things I admired was the seemingly endless bits of knowledge  ratting around in his brain that a simpleton like myself was just…wow. All this garbage about constellations one night while laying on the trampoline just hanging out – he wasn’t being a cocky, cliche-romantic turd, just sharing some facts about life he found interesting!

Well, tonight….. hahaha the caverns of knowledge got me again!!

Some of my super-extended-we-never-see family is coming into “town” for the weekend, and I’m pretty pleased, and trying to make arrangements to make sure we bump into each other at some point while they’re here. Because, well, they’re my family! So I’m on the phone with my Mom, chatting and planning and whatever. And it looks like, at the time, WE are going to be freed up from all the fun and frivolity before dinnertime Saturday because the real grown-ups are going out for a fancy real-grown-up dinner or something.

I have this nasty habit of assuming that you know what I’m talking about. You being whomever I’m currently talking to.

Especially if I was JUST talking about it.

Even if the thing I’m talking about to you that I was just talking about…was in a conversation to someone else that you couldn’t overhear because, you know, phones…that whole one-sided conversation thing….

So I hang up.

And my mind starts going.

Gee, if we’re free by Saturday night I can book a couple of work appointments.  Or we can see if his family is free for dinner. Or we can do this, or we can do that, or or or or or or or….   

What comes out?

“We should see if your family is free for dinner.”

………silence……….for a brief moment….

“Usually by the time a person reaches about 2-3 years of age they acquire Theory of Mind wherein they become able to recognize that what is in their mind may be different than what others may actually be experiencing. ….it does take longer to develop in some than others….”


Ohmigoodness, I couldn’t stop laughing.

My brain is infantile. hahahaha I don’t have theory of mind!!

Apparently, all the when-what-who-where-why-how CONTEXT of my let’s-do-dinner was…between my mom and I on the phone and theeennnnn carried on in my brain. Silently. Before mid-conversation comes flying out.

If only this were a one-off occurrence. X-D My poor hubs, though, has figured out how to translate, or as in this case, just flat-out tell me he has noooooooooooo idea where I am in what conversation with whom.  Aaaaaand we laugh, repeatedly, at my inability to recognize that I’ve, once again, started speaking out loud mid-sentence, or “repeating” a question I’ve never actually posed outside of my head, or any number of other idiosyncrasies of my, uh, “ability” at verbal communication.

Thank goodness we laugh about it!  And hey! I learned about theory of mind today! I’d call that a win, no? O:-) Do you have any weird communication non-skillz?

Think before you blurt!

Oh. My. Gosh.

Honestly? I think today’s might go down as my #1 most embarrassing moment ever.

The crowning moment, at least the most humiliating thing that I remember before tonight, was in grade 7, when I was being a moron on the field at recess and my stupid behaviour ended with me running full-body-full-tilt into an immovable soccer post…

That was over 20 years ago (wait, when did I get so old?!) and I can still feel the sting of the pole as it made contact ALL THE WAY up my left side, and left me with a fabulously un-sexy injured toe….


Tonight, though. Wow. I could FEEL the blood rushing to and from my face. And then back to every time my mind wandered back to my humiliation…

You know that thing you have where your brain has a thought and then it comes out of your mouth but before it comes out you like, you get a moment? To evaluate whether the thing you thought is a thing that needs to graduate from thought to speech?

Yeah. I don’t have that thing. Like, at all. No. Thing. My thing is broken. O_o

So I’m at choir tonight (yes, I’m a geeky choir kid – get over it. I’M REALLY GOOD AT IT) and we’re working on Christmas stuff, because it’s almost Hallowe’en, so you KNOW we’ve been singing this stuff for about two months already.  And one of the songs we’re working on is a lovely rendition of “While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks” arranged by Sally DeFord. Which is a little different from the run-of-the-mill hymnal editions we’re used to…anyway, it’s a great piece. Check it out if you’re so inclined.

The POINT is the lyrics.

Second verse:

To you in David’s town this day
Is born of David’s line
A Savior who is Christ the Lord,
And this shall be the sign
The heavenly Babe you there shall find,
To human view displayed
All meanly wrapped in swathing bands
And in a manger laid.

Please note the LAST word of the verse, yes? Okay.

So, we’re singing along, sight-reading, and going about our merry way, when suddenly, the ENTIRE ALTO SECTION, of which I am a part, just….loses it. We got SO LOST. We’re singing along, harmonizing, making pretty sounds with our vocal chords and fellow choir-geeks, and POW! We’re suddenly lost, mumbling….something…..definitely not singing anymore…maybe grunting a little?

Imagine, if you will….

To you in David’s town this day
Is born of David’s line
A Savior who is Christ the Lord,
And this shall be the sign
blaahh what? duuuh dum daaaaa shoot I missed that note dooo _______silence_________ dooooo hummm humm nope, still off…. oh, hang on, I know this note…. 

Because….EVERYONE got the last note! hahaha We missed the WHOLE second half of the verse, but hot dang we GOT the last note!!

You know when the music stops, how everything is quiet for a second?

Not if I’m in the room.

No, when I’m in the room and the music stops….the mouth just keeps ON going!!

And it spouts out little gems like this one:



“ohmigosh! I mean, I got the last note! On the word laid! I sang the right note…. the last note…. I didn’t…I… ”

PEALS of laughter. Half of the choir was as red as I was (not really something these folks are accustomed to hearing SHOUTED in the chapel!) And then when everyone finally DID get enough control over themselves to keep rehearsing I couldn’t sing because I was still nervous-giggling with the intense humiliation of having been so fantastically obtuse as to let such a thing come racing out of my giant gaping maw…. Oh, man!

It was bad.

Just….just don’t let yourself blurt out…things…in a room full of Mormons…in the chapel… just don’t do it… I would think that generally, not BLURTING wold be a good rule of thumb to follow, actually.  If your thing is as broken as mine is, fix it, because everyone needs a brain-to-mouth thing that’s fully operational!!

Because…that was…horrific.

True story. (from )

At least it gave the hubs a good chuckle when I came home – had to fill him in before he saw it popping up on Facebook as threatened by all in attendance seize the opportunity to make him smile – There’s always that, right?

A Couple of Loners

Legit have had this convo with my momma! hahaha I feel you, Lisa! from:

You know that 2 years ago we packed everything up, our house, our kids, our lives, and literally moved home, to my parents’ house.

There were a few reasons for doing so, and, frankly, we at the time thought that we were going to end up staying back in the area we had both grown up in (we grew up about 10-15 mins from each other).

I have to admit that 2 years ago, I was SO not handling the Mister’s exit from the Church well.  I mean, really.  I wasn’t ready to face it. And I DEFINITELY couldn’t accept it. I insisted he came to Church with us every week because it’s what we do as a family and how this family started in the first place. PRETTY sure I even told him that if he stopped coming we’d have to talk about separating because we obviously wanted such different things.

Eye roll. Oy vey.

(Sorry, babe).

And, 2 years ago, after being in the same ward for 10 years, I felt I had no one. Not a soul I could go to for help, for support. I had no friendly shoulder to cry on or listening ear.

My two best friends were completely not even a member and an ex-Mormon going through the ANGRY stage of her leaving the Church.

I needed a Mormon. Desperately.

So, we moved home. (Again, for lots of other, REAL reasons, too. I’m not that vapid that I’d force my family to pick up and move because I felt lonely. Give me SOME credit.)

I was excited to go home. My parents are members. His family are members. And we were returning to the area where so many of our friends and memories are from, and some remain. We were sure it’d be just like old times with people.

But, of course, as busy as we are in our careers and raising kids and juggling living with parents/grandparents/inlaws, so are all of our old friends.

So, we moved. And we still had no one.

And I had no one.

I even begged, like, LITERALLY begged, an old friend who occasionally gets together with some other old friends for girls’ night to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE invite me! PLEASE! I’m so desperate, please don’t post pictures of you guys without me, let me come! I need to come!!

But I wasn’t in the next round of pictures. I guess desperation really is that off-putting! hahaha (I’m totally picturing Kate Hudson’s BFF in “How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days” one of the best Rom-Coms EVAH).

We tried a couple of times to host parties and get out to events, but people are just too busy. We’re too busy. Work and kids makes us all busy.

So we had each other. And my parents. hahaha my poor parents! (Love you guys!!)

I learned a lot feeling lonely at home.  I learned how to listen a bit better. So when I got the promoting that maybe I needed to lighten up and give my man a break so he doesn’t grow to hate and resent me, and my religion, I was able to hear it. It was MY idea he stop coming to church with us, a far cry from the initial this-marriage-is-over-when-you-stop. And it was so good for us. I think it was the first time I was actually able to say, okay, I’m okay. I can do this. We can do this. You are a good person no matter what our dogmatic differences are.

I realized what I was doing to him by forcing him to come. I recognized that I was hearing what he was saying to me but refusing to accept it, to accept him. How can it be okay for my friends and other family to not be in or to leave the Church, and I’m loving and accepting of THEM, but I can’t be the same for my own husband? Who I love MORE than the rest of them? (No offence, folks, but he’s still my fave!)

So he stopped coming. And I started the Sunday Single Parent gig. Which is HARD! But when I do it I look around and see the every-day single parents – every single freaking DAY you rockstars do that!! You amaze me – and the other Sunday Singles who I’d never batted an eyelash at before because their spouses are off serving in various stake callings or wherever else. So I joke about it, but I’m good. (And sometimes we even come home to lunch ready-made for us! What a treat!)

And now, we’ve moved. And we’re back where we started our time together. In the ward we started in when we got married. In a different area, in a nicer house, but the same ward. And it feels like it used to.

Absolutely, completely like it used to.

Except now, maybe it hurts a little more? Maybe just today, though. Today has been a funk-day.

We were here for 10 years, and for 10 years I tried to fit in. To feel accepted. To be part of the group. But I just, I couldn’t do it. I’m not one of them. I’m too different. I don’t have anything in common with any of them. Everyone likes me, at least, to my face, but no one CARES about me, you know? Not that they don’t care, but like, hahahaha they don’t care! I can’t even come up with a better way to describe it.

But we knew that’s what we were coming back to. We knew I felt this way before we left, it would be the same when we got back.

I just hadn’t expected in the short time we were gone for there to be so many new people, so many new people who have done what I couldn’t do. In 10 years I couldn’t infiltrate and in under 2 they have.  The bonds these people have…I just have no words. I want that. I don’t mean to be so envious, but it makes me ache watching, and knowing I’ll never have it.

I’m just not made that way. I’m not made to get along with other Mormons.

Mormons are hard.

Good thing my hubs isn’t Mormon ;-)

On Our Own Again!

My favourite thing about me, is that sometimes…. I totally suck.

image from

Our last post was A YEAR AGO, and I promised we weren’t NOT going to write anymore?


Can I just tell you, living with your parents when you’re married, in your 30s, and have kids IS HARD. Too many “cooks in the kitchen” (though my mother will tell you there weren’t enough literally in the kitchen…).


We bought a house! We moved! We’re on our own! We’re….living in a sea of total chaos and boxes and insanity!

But my Mister is SO SO SO happy to be in our old town in our brand-new house. And our kids? Holy hannah, I didn’t know they weren’t blissfully happy until I saw when they were. THEY. LOVE. IT. HERE.

I’m…struggling a bit. But if you’ve read any of our other posts, that won’t surprise you: I am the crazy one!

So much has happened in the last year, in the last COUPLE of years. Some of it good, some of it great, some of it not so great. But we’re still here, and still kicking! And we will try to get back to this blog – it was so helpful to us at such a critical time and we really really appreciate the love and support (and nasty comments – yes, we get those too!) from you all. I can’t believe we STILL get hits and likes on Facebook and whatever, and we haven’t done anything with this site in a year.

You’re all amazing.

So, enough talking about nothing! Let’s get to it, shall we??


Happy Thanksgiving

Don’t worry! Not falling back into hiatus, it’s just been a busy week! 11th anniversary (can you believe we made it another year? hahaha Sometimes we can’t either!) and Thanksgiving weekend…plus we both work, those kids…a horrid day and the WORST back pain I have ever experienced… I haven’t gotten to the computer too much.

And about that back pain? OUCH!

So THIS is it for today, and I’m stealing from the one and only Oprah, because even if she’s Oprah, I LOVE this:

images-4TRUE STORY.

Happy Thanksgiving, kids! Hope yours was fabulous. X-)